Boundaries

Arguably the most-used relationship word of the last decade. A boundary is a limit you set on what you will accept or participate in, not a rule you impose on another person's behavior. "I won't stay in the room when you yell at me" is a boundary; "you're not allowed to yell" is a demand. The distinction matters because boundaries are enforceable by you alone. The concept was popularized for a general audience by Henry Cloud and John Townsend's *Boundaries* (1992), which is especially influential in Christian circles. Healthy boundaries protect both individuals and the relationship; their absence shows up as resentment, burnout, and enmeshment. A common modern distortion worth knowing: using "boundary" language to dress up controlling demands.

Origin

Popularized by Cloud & Townsend, 1992