The Relationship Bank Account

A metaphor with three overlapping versions: Stephen Covey's "emotional bank account" (*The Seven Habits*), Gottman's emotional bank account in his research on turning toward bids, and Willard Harley's "Love Bank" (*His Needs, Her Needs*), which is a staple in Christian marriage circles. All make the same point. Every positive interaction (kindness, listening, following through on commitments, appreciation) is a deposit. Every negative interaction (criticism, dismissiveness, broken promises) is a withdrawal. The balance determines how much goodwill exists in the relationship. A high balance means occasional withdrawals are absorbed without crisis. A low or negative balance means even small negatives cause serious damage.

Origin

Covey's emotional bank account; Harley's Love Bank; Gottman's research