Sliding vs Deciding

Scott Stanley's framework from the premarital research. Couples either *decide* their way through relationship transitions (explicit conversations and mutual commitment before moving in, getting engaged, having kids) or *slide* through them (the transition just sort of happens through inertia and convenience). Sliding is associated with worse outcomes, largely because of constraint commitment: moving in together creates constraints (lease, shared stuff, social ties) that keep couples together who might otherwise have ended, and some of those couples then slide into marriage. This is the leading explanation for the "cohabitation effect," the finding that couples who live together before engagement have historically shown somewhat higher divorce rates. The risk isn't living together; it's sliding into major commitments without deciding.

Origin

Scott Stanley