Softened Startup

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Gottman's term for beginning a difficult conversation without attack.

Gottman's term for beginning a difficult conversation without attack. Instead of a hard startup ("You always do this..."), a softened startup: (1) describes the situation objectively, (2) names your feeling using an I-statement, (3) makes a positive need request. Research shows the first three minutes of a conflict conversation largely predict its outcome.

Origin

John Gottman

Sources

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work — John Gottman, 1999