Pursuer-Withdrawer Dynamic

Also called Demand-Withdraw. One partner (the pursuer) seeks closeness, connection, or resolution by pressing for engagement. The other (the withdrawer) pulls back, deflects, or shuts down. The more the pursuer presses, the more the withdrawer retreats. The cycle reinforces itself indefinitely. Often maps onto anxious (pursuer) and avoidant (withdrawer) attachment styles. Sue Johnson calls the named versions of these cycles the "Demon Dialogues": Find the Bad Guy (mutual blame), the Protest Polka (pursue-withdraw, the most common), and Freeze and Flee (mutual withdrawal). EFT addresses this directly: both people are responding to attachment fear, not being difficult.

Origin

Family systems / EFT literature